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The Story Behind the Logo Let me tell you about the logo associated with my speaking and facilitation. It means a lot to me and I want to share the story. For more stories from the outdoors and the inner world, subscribe to this RSS feed.
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Person-centered Leadership Lessons from the Grand Canyon Every leader is experiencing crisis right now as we try to adapt to and mitigate the pandemic, the downturn, and many fundamental cultural changes. An old way of leading in a crisis is to adopt the drill sergeant, goal-oriented approach. “Buck up and follow me,” the sergeant cries. “I don’t want to hear about your doubts or your fears. I can see the goal and you all better make it happen. It’s too urgent for discussion or inclusion.” But that kind of leadership is not useful, effective, or sustainable. I learned, in my career as an outdoor guide, that person-centered leadership builds more capacity, creates a stronger group, and actually makes leadership more enjoyable and rewarding. Watch the video for a true story about how I implemented person-centered leadership while a literal storm was approaching my group in the Grand Canyon. Key Leadership Management Takeaways
Can Confident Leadership Heal a Fractured Society or a Group in Trouble? What role can optimistic, inspired leadership play when everything falls apart? Watch the video for a true story about how I watched mature leadership turn a serious problem into an opportunity for growth and unity. Key Takeaways
 TWO WAYS TO DEVELOP THE RELATIONSHIPS AND STRENGTH YOU NEED TO BE USEFUL IN TOUGH TIMESne of Mark Greene’s latest blog posts is titled “White Racism is an Extinction Level Flaw in Our Species.” The word “extinction” caught my eye and wrenched at my heart. I’m wondering if it did the same to yours. Greene lists a number of serious and seemingly intractable problems that beset the human species: environmental collapse, war, disease, waning resources. We’ve known about all these crises for decades and meaningful action seems out of reach. Greene points to") numerous studies that show that diversity and inclusion are powerful catalysts for creativity and accomplishing ambitious goals. (Here’s a link to one of the studies he cites.)
Because individual prejudice and systemic racism prevent inclusion and diversity, they block the creativity we need to create change and meet our challenges. They also prevent the formation of energized, sustainable communities that we need to work together and avoid extinction. White men in particular are more susceptible to hierarchical systems and get sucked into perpetuating misogyny and racism from an early age. No matter how loving and egalitarian our parents are, we grow up into a world where manhood means suppressing our emotions and our tenderness and “acting tough” instead. And one way to prove our manhood is to throw women and girls under the bus. This set of demands pushes men into an old model for strength and masculinity. That model depends on wielding power over others who are different while repressing what is unique about one’s self. Our early and ongoing experience with the repression and discrimination makes it easy for us to fall for racist tropes and myths. Our struggles with the win-lose, dog-eat-dog world of the playground and the workplace make it easier to believe that we can only succeed when we’re holding someone else down. And so we become examples of the problem that Greene describes: men calling other men “sheep” or “pussies” for wearing masks that protect the community and the economy; men actively working to sabotage police brutality protests against police violence by turning them violent; men voting for authoritarian leaders because we secretly like watching them put others down. These are the behaviors that make our crises worse and dry up the hope in our hearts. But I’m a white man and I don’t want to go extinct. I don’t want to be part of an “extinction-level flaw.” I’m guessing you don’t either. Fortunately there’s still time for men - all men - to be an active, valuable, and effective part of the solution. If and when more men step out of the old model of masculinity and learn to exercise the “new strength” of compassion, inclusion, and vulnerability, we’ll disrupt the rise of white supremacism and break up the logjam that prevents us from implementing the solutions we already have. Imagine how, once men are on board, how quickly we’ll suppress the coronavirus, build clean energy infrastructure, reform our economy, and end police brutality. For a man raised in the Man Box culture, fully becoming part of the solution is not easy or quick. There’s a lot of de-programing to do. I’ve been working on creating an authentic, anti-misogyistic and anti-racist manhood for myself for decades. But there are two concrete steps I can recommend for men who want to be part of the solution. One: recognize when you are falling into the old ways - the old strength of put downs, discrimination, and power over. These behaviors are old traps set specifically to bring you down. It can feel powerful or at least a little thrilling to feel momentarily better than another. But when you play that game, you never really win. There’s always a million or a billion other men standing on your hands or head as you try to squirm up the ladder of hierarchy that old strength built. Better to step outside of the game and be free of the unending competition . ne of Mark Greene’s latest blog posts is titled “White Racism is an Extinction Level Flaw in Our Species.” The word “extinction” caught my eye and wrenched at my heart. I’m wondering if it did the same to yours. Greene lists a number of serious and seemingly intractable problems that beset the human species: environmental collapse, war, disease, waning resources. We’ve known about all these crises for decades and meaningful action seems out of reach. Greene points to") numerous studies that show that diversity and inclusion are powerful catalysts for creativity and accomplishing ambitious goals. (Here’s a link to one of the studies he cites.) Because individual prejudice and systemic racism prevent inclusion and diversity, they block the creativity we need to create change and meet our challenges. They also prevent the formation of energized, sustainable communities that we need to work together and avoid extinction. White men in particular are more susceptible to hierarchical systems and get sucked into perpetuating misogyny and racism from an early age. No matter how loving and egalitarian our parents are, we grow up into a world where manhood means suppressing our emotions and our tenderness and “acting tough” instead. And one way to prove our manhood is to throw women and girls under the bus. This set of demands pushes men into an old model for strength and masculinity. That model depends on wielding power over others who are different while repressing what is unique about one’s self. Our early and ongoing experience with the repression and discrimination makes it easy for us to fall for racist tropes and myths. Our struggles with the win-lose, dog-eat-dog world of the playground and the workplace make it easier to believe that we can only succeed when we’re holding someone else down. And so we become examples of the problem that Greene describes: men calling other men “sheep” or “pussies” for wearing masks that protect the community and the economy; men actively working to sabotage police brutality protests against police violence by turning them violent; men voting for authoritarian leaders because we secretly like watching them put others down. These are the behaviors that make our crises worse and dry up the hope in our hearts. But I’m a white man and I don’t want to go extinct. I don’t want to be part of an “extinction-level flaw.” I’m guessing you don’t either. Fortunately there’s still time for men - all men - to be an active, valuable, and effective part of the solution. If and when more men step out of the old model of masculinity and learn to exercise the “new strength” of compassion, inclusion, and vulnerability, we’ll disrupt the rise of white supremacism and break up the logjam that prevents us from implementing the solutions we already have. Imagine how, once men are on board, how quickly we’ll suppress the coronavirus, build clean energy infrastructure, reform our economy, and end police brutality. For a man raised in the Man Box culture, fully becoming part of the solution is not easy or quick. There’s a lot of de-programing to do. I’ve been working on creating an authentic, anti-misogyistic and anti-racist manhood for myself for decades. But there are two concrete steps I can recommend for men who want to be part of the solution. One: recognize when you are falling into the old ways - the old strength of put downs, discrimination, and power over. These behaviors are old traps set specifically to bring you down. It can feel powerful or at least a little thrilling to feel momentarily better than another. But when you play that game, you never really win. There’s always a million or a billion other men standing on your hands or head as you try to squirm up the ladder of hierarchy that old strength built. Better to step outside of the game and be free of the unending competition . Two: Start believing women and people of color when they tell you their stories. I found it - still find it - particularly hard to always practice this kind of “new strength.” I found it incredibly painful because the stories can be heart rending. I don’t want to believe the tales of assault, rape, and daily misogyny. I don’t want to believe the history of cold-hearted systemic racism nor the nightmare tales of bloody, violent oppression. For many years, my identity as a “good guy” depended on dismissing these truths so that I could live in a world where I and my fellow men were not complicit in terror and violence. But something powerful and wonderful happened as I learned to sit there in the pain and distress as I listened. I grew more capable of handling the shame and anger that came up for me and more capable of being in relationship with people who had been harmed or oppressed. When I set down the tools and traditions of the old strength, I found new, better ones. By setting down my desire to feel power over others, I found out how to have power with. I became a much better leader, boss, and husband. And because I improved my ability to be in relationship with a diverse group of people I am now embedded in a supportive community. We celebrate each other and each other’s contributions to the whole and we can get more accomplished. I don’t have to be a fatal flaw, I am becoming part of the solution, and so can you.: Start believing women and people of color when they tell you their stories. I found it - still find it - particularly hard to always practice this kind of “new strength.” I found it incredibly painful because the stories can be heart rending. I don’t want to believe the tales of assault, rape, and daily misogyny. I don’t want to believe the history of cold-hearted systemic racism nor the nightmare tales of bloody, violent oppression. For many years, my identity as a “good guy” depended on dismissing these truths so that I could live in a world where I and my fellow men were not complicit in terror and violence. But something powerful and wonderful happened as I learned to sit there in the pain and distress as I listened. I grew more capable of handling the shame and anger that came up for me and more capable of being in relationship with people who had been harmed or oppressed. When I set down the tools and traditions of the old strength, I found new, better ones. By setting down my desire to feel power over others, I found out how to have power with. I became a much better leader, boss, and husband. And because I improved my ability to be in relationship with a diverse group of people I am now embedded in a supportive community. We celebrate each other and each other’s contributions to the whole and we can get more accomplished. I don’t have to be a fatal flaw, I am becoming part of the solution, and so can you.   "I'm boycotting [x] for making me wear a mask!" "Masks take away my freedom. Freedom is more important that anything." "Masks are for lemmings!" "Masks are for cowards, pussies, cucks, etc." The anti-mask comments on some posts are so livid and visceral, I can almost feel the spittle and froth through my screen. Something deep is getting triggered. Those who defend, vehemently, their "right" to flout common sense, community safety, and biological truth, are exerting themselves through the old, shallow, hierarchical model of strength. The old strength is the one characterized by:
For those of us who understand that strength is really about fostering collaborative power and creating win-win solutions, putting on a mask is an expression of solidarity, concern, and even love. For those stuck in that old paradigm of strength, being told what to do and acceding to that demand is knuckling under to power and losing a win-lose contest and therefore allowing themselves to slip into the oppressed class. So, of course they fight and froth at the notion. Any attempt to coerce, convince, or mandate their actions are going to be met with more hostility and spittle because they believe they are locked in an existential battle for power and survival, not a debate over public health best practices. Those of us who are able to value the community and collective power/safety, tend to wear masks without too much fuss. I know I feel caring, and connected to my community when I wear a mask. I am putting it on to protect others. I am showing my steadiness and my ability to make a tiny sacrifice for those around me. I feel upright and strong. And, yes, because I am acting in accordance with my value system, I feel a little righteous about my decision. Maybe I even act a little righteous or condescending about my choice. But there can be no true case made for both-sider-ism. Both choices are not equally valid. Wearing a mask protects others, will help prevent death, and actually speed the re-opening of businesses and institutions. In times of collective danger, collective action is necessary. Unfortunately, those operating under the old paradigm of strength are ever fearful of being told what to do lest they become one of the oppressed. Their attempts to protect themselves from this fate endanger us all. I don't know, really, how to help the anti-maskers stand-down from their self-protective position. They crave power and freedom when self-sacrifice and community solidarity are called for. I don't know how to reach across the paradigm divide. Maybe some of you reading this post have ideas. I'd love to hear them. You can hear more about my own personal journey from Old Strength to New Strength in my TEDx talk. |
AuthorCharles Matheus grew up in an old mining town in Arizona. He managed to graduate from an Ivy League University and knows that you won't hold that against him. Archives
May 2022
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